Not too long ago my wife and I were traveling to Virginia. We left right after church and were planning to drive through the night. Our kids were young at the time and had fallen asleep. As you know, your life goes a lot easier, especially on road trips, if you let your kids sleep. It was around 9pm and we hadn’t eaten yet so we decided to hit the drive thru of a hamburger franchise that will go unnamed (to protect the guilty). I had taken a few boring bites, but that next one did me in. The texture was all wrong. I slowly started pulling something out of my mouth that would forever shade my view of restaurants. I pulled out a straw wrapper! How in the world did that end up on my burger? Straws aren’t even in the same areas as food prep in ANY restaurant. It had to be deliberately placed on my hamburger. That got my wheels spinning…what else was on my hamburger? Was that really mayonnaise?
I’ve shared this story with friends and they in return have shared their restaurant experiences that have freaked me out even more. Everything from finding a plastic glove on a chicken sandwich to a hairball in their fries. I’ve bet you’ve got a story too.
Because I’ve heard so many of those stories and experienced one myself, I don’t like to eat where I can’t see the food prep happening in front of me. I know it is silly and I’m sure I’m short-changing myself from some great food, but I can’t get past the thought of who might be quitting today and might be taking out their frustrations on my food!
My view of restaurants is definitely shaded by my past experience. I find myself in general being suspicious of food establishments because my trust was violated. I’m sure in your lifetime you’ve had more serious violations of trust than just a straw wrapper on your burger. Maybe it was a parent, a spouse, or a best friend that betrayed your trust. What I hope you acknowledge is that experience shades the way you interact with others whether consciously or subconsciously.
Depending on how severe the trust breach was, your ability to trust others may be extremely difficult. Those violations of your trust can make you vow to never trust again. You can say things like, “I’ll never let someone get that close to me again.” “I’ll never be that vulnerable with someone.” We can begin to think it is better to be safe than sorry.
Here is what I want you to catch…by being cautious not only are you keeping the potentially “bad” people out…you are also keeping the “good” people out. You are shorting yourself from experiencing joy and healing. Don’t use caution as an excuse for isolation and suspicion.
Trust isn’t a mysterious thing. You know clearly whether you trust someone or not. You know whether someone trusts you or not. It isn’t a mystery. If you are going through life being suspicious of others I bet they are returning the favor and being suspicious of you.
Think of a relationship that is struggling now…how much of that struggle can be traced back to some form of a trust issue? If you struggle with trusting people I want you to recognize it’s your problem and not the other person’s. You are starting from a place of distrust. Your default is distrust and that affects the way you approach your relationships.
Trust is the foundation of every relationship.
What new friend could you make if you didn’t keep everyone at arm’s length?
Would your marriage be healthier if you would extend more trust to your spouse instead of suspicion?
Would your kids talk to you more about their world because you are more trusting of them?
Give yourself permission to trust again. Don’t keep good people from enriching your life. It will be difficult–much like not checking under the bun before you eat a burger–but the rewards outweigh the risks.
