We have a simple question that we ask every night at dinner. This simple question gives us insight into each other’s hearts, values, and daily life.
The question helps us connect with each other and know what happened in each other’s day. As a family we spend the majority of the day apart from each other. The kids are at school, my wife is keeping our home running, and I’m at work.
I bet your family is similar…lots of different activities with everyone going in different directions. How can you keep your family bonds tight? How can you help every person feel connected to each other?
One way we try to do that is through our nightly dinners and a simple question. We’ve been asking this question for a couple of years now. What’s the question?
What was the best part of your day?
We go around the table and we listen to each person share their answer. Some days it’s harder than others to find a “best part.” Some days feel routine and others seemed like everything fell apart. But if you look hard enough you can always find something good.
Life is never all bad or all good. You’ll never have a completely awful day where there wasn’t some ray of sunshine or goodness even if it was for only a moment. The opposite is true as well. You’ll never have a completely perfect day but that’s okay.
We get to choose what we focus on.
When we first started this routine the kids wanted to talk about the worst part of their day. “I don’t know what my best part was, but I know what my worst part was.” It’s a natural tendency to focus on everything that didn’t go the way we wanted it to. It’s easy to forget the good.
Don’t misunderstand me, we want to know about the things that hurt their heart but we have pushed that to bedtime and prayer time where we can pray for those people or about those situations that are causing us stress.
Stress can cause us to ignore or discount the good that is right in front of us.
Have you ever asked someone, “How was your day?” and then they proceed to complain about everything and everyone? I bet you can’t wait to hang out with them again.
I know a young mom of 3 small children who suffers from severe arthritis. You would think she lives a pain-free, perfect life the way she smiles and never complains. Every time I speak with her, she radiates a supernatural joy. She only speaks of the best parts of her week. She is an amazing example to not only her children but everyone she meets. Her strong faith shines through some tough circumstances.
Somewhere along the way this mom learned that complaining about your circumstances doesn’t change them. In fact, it makes them worse.
You can teach those same values by the questions you ask.
The questions you ask reinforce your values.
We want our children to be expectant that good things will happen. We want them to be looking for the good. Sure some days you have to look hard but it’s still there.
Some times the best part…was “right now” at dinner seeing their faces and listening to their day.
This question has becomes so ingrained that now if we get busy talking about something else one of our children will always remind us… “Let’s do best part!”
We take turns going around the table focusing on each person while they share. We aren’t talking over each other or having side conversations. We have one conversation. We listen to each other. We gain insights into each others’ hearts, values, and daily life.
We’ve discovered some unintended consequences from this family ritual. Originally we just wanted to connect relationally and help them focus on the good. But along the way they’ve also become much better at:
- Verbally expressing themselves
- Confidence with public speaking
- Active listening
- Asking follow up questions
- Being patient and waiting their turn
- Realizing they’re part of a family
- Understanding each family member
Our youngest loves this question so much he wants to do it again when we go through our bedtime rituals. He says, “Dad can we do ‘Best Part’ again?” Which then turns into recounting every possible good thing he can think of. I love it!
Why not try it today at dinner?
If you went to all of the effort to have a family dinner why not go a little further and ask some questions that reinforce your family values? Meals aren’t about the food they’re about your brood. The purpose isn’t to nourish your body the purpose is to nourish your relationships. If it was just about nourishing your body you could eat anywhere…like in front of the tv.
One other thing you should know about family meal times. My wife has a rule that she ruthlessly enforces… “No electronics at the table.” No one is brave enough to bring them in to the same room as the dinner table. She’s a wise woman.
Maybe you’re thinking your kids would never go for it. Sure you might experience some push back, but in the end you’ll never regret making time for your family to connect. You can prime the pump with a simple question.
I wish you and I could have dinner together today. If we did I’d ask you…What was the best part of your day?
