Every leader knows they need feedback. Every good leader wants people to help them see things they can’t see. As you move up in an organization it becomes harder to see reality because either you are too close to the operations or you are too removed to see what’s happening on the front lines.
The entire premise of the hit show Undercover Boss is based on the fact that leaders need to know if what’s on the board room wall is actually happening down the hall.
Feedback feels like a double-edged sword. We know we need it to get better but at times it can feel like an attack. Certainly the way some people give the feedback is an attack, but others give it because they really want to see you and the organization be the best it can be.
How you respond and what you say after the feedback is given determines whether you’ll get more in the future or if people will stop caring. (Something often seen on Undercover Boss.) Your response will set you and your organization on a particular course. The course will be one that strives to get better and grow or one in which everyone turns a blind eye to problems because “What’s the point? No one cares. Things will never change.”
When we respond defensively to feedback it sends the strong message that your opinion and perspective isn’t valued. We don’t want you to care about making us better we just want you to show up to keep it going. Employees and volunteers hear “Your opinion doesn’t matter” or “We like things they way they are.” The result is employees showing up for a check instead of owners showing up to help the organization win.
Leaders obviously want engaged teammates but we unintentionally communicate something else by how we respond to feedback.
So how do we ensure we get the feedback we know we need…painful or not? How do we make sure we don’t shut down the information we so desperately need?
2 Simple Words… “Thank you!”
The other day I received some very painful feedback about how I didn’t adequately communicate my schedule with a key leader who rightfully needed to know and the cascading effect it had on others’ schedules and even morale. The leader was right so I did the only thing I could which was to apologize and thank them for bringing it to my attention.
I wish I could say this has always been my default response. Truthfully, it has been a more recent development…as in this year. My default response was a more defensive posture seeking to explain all the facts and illuminate their “limited perspective.” I failed to realize that my perspective is also limited. We need each other to see the whole picture.
The difference these 2 little words have made has been more powerful than I would have thought.
The next time someone gives you feedback instead of trying to defend the status quo respond with a simple, “Thank you!”
If you can’t remember the last time you received feedback you should find out why. Maybe long ago you communicated you weren’t open to it so people think… What’s the point?
When you respond defensively trying to change their perspective with background information or other “facts,” you’ve just communicated their perspective is irrelevant. It may be true they are missing some information, but it is still an opportunity for you and your organization to grow.
Maybe you should ask: Why are they missing pertinent information? Could you be having a breakdown in the communication pipeline?
Maybe the vision or mission isn’t as clear as you think.
Every online survey you fill out for a company usually has an automated message when you finish that says “Thank you for your feedback!”
When it comes to feedback we receive in person the first words we say rarely are “Thank you!” When we are calm and collected we know the correct response is the automated one. When we feel attacked or misunderstood the last thing we want to say is “Thank you!”
We have to change our perspective from viewing it as an opportunity to be the teacher to us having the chance to be the student. It’s not the time to educate them on why they are wrong or misinformed. It’s an opportunity for us to become more aware of ourselves or our organization and the perception it is giving. It’s an opportunity for us to learn where we can grow and improve.
You could pay thousands of dollars for a consultant to tell you your blindspots or you could receive it for free and regularly by people who love you and your brand.
The only cost is two small words…and maybe one big gulp of humility.
The next time someone comes to you with feedback try leading with a simple “Thank you” and see what happens.
Before you discount the information ask yourself a question… “How might this be true from their (and others’) perspective?” Then set about fixing it. You can thank me later.
