What do you expect from your pastor? Before I give you my list it would be helpful for you to write down your own list before you read on.
Most lists people come up with usually revolve around roles instead of character traits. The lists often focus on what they want a pastor to do instead of what they want a pastor to be.
Certainly, there are things that pastors must do. The unfortunate thing is that no pastor on earth can do all the things some expect of them.
Pastors are expected to be an excellent communicator, strong leader, scholar, counselor, community leader, fundraiser, career coach, social worker, events coordinator, mediator, IT manager, facilities manager, graphic designer, social media expert, marketing wiz, financially savvy, well-read, relevant, people person, prayer warrior, model spouse & parent, always available, and always happy.
Not only are pastors expected to wear all those hats they are expected to actually be good at all of them. With expectations like that it’s no wonder some people are disappointed in their pastor, not to mention why pastors are burning out.
What I want us to look at today is what you can realistically expect from a pastor. Next week we will look at what a pastor should expect from you.
If you’re a Christian this is a holy and unique relationship between you and your pastors. It’s a relationship you don’t find anywhere else in society. It’s unlike any other relationship because first and foremost it’s a spiritual relationship. It’s not like a boss/employee relationship. It’s not an elected official/voter relationship. It’s not a customer/business relationship. It’s unique. You have a God appointed relationship with someone whose job is to help guide you on the best pathways of life, to help you reach your full God-given potential.
So what can you expect from your pastors? This isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list but just some big ones.
1. Wholesome Teaching
Titus 2:1-8 NLT “As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.”
As you can see when Paul writes to Titus and Timothy about being a pastor he constantly talks about their teaching.
In fact, Paul says it’s one of the qualifications of someone who will be a pastor….able to teach (1 Timothy 3:2).
2. Builds You Up
2 Corinthians 10:8 NLT “I may seem to be boasting too much about the authority given to us by the Lord. But our authority builds you up; it doesn’t tear you down. So I will not be ashamed of using my authority.”
A pastor uses the authority they have from God to build you up and encourage you. God hasn’t called a pastor to beat the sheep. They guide them and instruct them. They inspire you to live a godly life.
Sometimes the encouragement might be a kick in the butt to get moving and stop using your excuses to stay stuck. But the goal is always to build you up. The goal is to call out of you the person God sees you as. Not the person someone told you you were.
So if you ever hear a pastor say something and your first inclination is to get mad…stop and ask yourself…If I followed this advice…if I followed this teaching would it make me a better person? Would it make me more like Jesus?
It might be hard to hear but it doesn’t mean it’s not loving.
3. An Example
Titus 2:7 NLT “And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.”
1 Peter 5:3 NLT “Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example.”
1 Corinthians 4:16 NLT “So I urge you to imitate me.”
1 Corinthians 11:1 NIV “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”
Philippians 3:17 NIV “Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do.”
Philippians 4:9 NIV “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
It’s not enough for a pastor to have great teaching, they have to live it…which is the hardest part about being a pastor. As you watch them you can see the faith lived out in front of you. You can see that what Scripture asks of us is not impossible. Are they perfect? Of course not! None of us are, but even in their imperfections they can be an example of humility, repentance, and growth.
If you are looking for THE example in a pastor…you will always be disappointed. THE example already came. His name is Jesus. If you are looking for how a broken, imperfect person is trying to live out the faith authentically…then you have an excellent example in your pastor.
You don’t have to look hard to see cracks and imperfections. We are all fragile people (2 Cor. 4:7).
What are they an example of?
1 Timothy 4:12 NIV “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”
This is probably the greatest weight a pastor bears because their joys and heartaches are lived in full view of others. When we lose a loved one others watch as we grieve and see whether the hope of Heaven is real. When our kids make poor choices others watch how we respond. People watch how we parent and live as a family. They watch when we suffer with health problems. They watch as two imperfect people try to love each other in marriage. They watch financial decisions, clothing choices, home choices…you name it…it’s all on display. Not to be judged but to be followed.
It is a heavy weight knowing that God will hold me responsible for how my life influenced yours…for the example I set for you to follow.
James 3:1 NLT “Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly.”
I wish I could give a message or write a blog post and then retreat back to a cave. The hardest thing is actually living the Scriptures that are taught.
But just because it is hard doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. You deserve not a perfect pastor…but an imperfect example of someone who is trying to do the best they can to follow Jesus through highs and lows.
4. Correction
Titus 2:15 NLT “You must teach these things and encourage the believers to do them. You have the authority to correct them when necessary, so don’t let anyone disregard what you say.”
There may come a time when your pastor may need to speak to you in love about an area that you are living in willful disobedience. The desire is to save you from pain. I can count on one hand the times I’ve had to have a conversation like that over the last 13 years. I didn’t look forward to it. Every one of the conversations made me sick and I couldn’t sleep for a week. Interestingly, everyone I had a conversation like that with knew it was an issue. They weren’t even surprised we were talking about it.
This one is tricky. Maybe you’ve been hurt by the way someone said something to you in the past. Maybe it wasn’t said in the kindest way and this idea makes you squirm and uncomfortable. I get it. But let me ask you this…if you saw a child playing with a butcher knife would it be kind to look the other way? Of course not. It would actually be unloving to act like you didn’t see it.
You’ll never reach your full potential without having some people speak into your life. Give your pastor permission to do that.
If he ever does…don’t become defensive…just listen and ask God to show you where their perspective might be true.
I bet there is some role that you wished your pastor was better at. Instead of comparing them to someone down the street or someone online (whom you don’t get to watch how they live it out) why not thank God for whom He has divinely appointed to be in your life in this season.
God thinks you need your pastor not some pastor in Georgia, Texas, or North Carolina. If you needed them He would have moved you or them. Thank God for who your pastor is and is becoming. If that’s hard for you, spend some time examining why you can’t. Maybe there is a pattern of discontent with others too…spouse, children, boss, parents, friends. Give them the same space and grace you want…to be human.
Your relationship with the pastors in your church is a unique and spiritual one. What can you do to nurture it?
