Have you ever thought about moving from where you currently live?
If so, how you handle the time leading up to your move will make a big difference for you, your friends, and even your legacy.
I live in a fairly transient community. We have people moving in and out of our community about every 3 years between the Navy nuclear training facility, large corporate regional centers, a burgeoning technology sector, and everything that goes with being located in a capital city suburb.
It has been interesting to watch over the years families who left well and others who didn’t. The ones who left well always did these 4 things:
1. They Announced Right Before They Left
Most families who left well announced a month or two before they left. They didn’t say, “Hey guys we will be leaving in a year!” Every family that said something like that found that they were increasingly lonelier with each passing month. People started to pull away from them. I can understand why. Who wants to invest in someone who will be leaving soon? Someone whom they’ll probably never see again except on Facebook?
I’m sure that sounds a little calculated to some of you but the reality is people only have so much free time for relationships to begin with. People are looking for friends for the long haul not just for a few months. When you announce you are leaving in a year you just told everyone you aren’t in it for the long haul.
People will begin the distancing process. So if you announce too soon don’t be surprised.
(FYI: Asking for prayer because you’re moving counts as an announcement.)
(FYI 2: Telling people you’ll only be there for a year or two is an announcement. Military & contract employees take heed.)
I’m not saying you will lose all of your friends. The longer you have invested yourself in a place the more of those friends you’ll keep after the move. Several of my dear friends moved away and I still keep in touch with them on a regular basis.
Your friends (and you) will go through a mourning process so why make it a year long funeral?
2. They Are Kind About the Place They Leave
Living in New York it seems that everyone in February talks about moving. I completely understand why! But people who don’t leave well make the mistake of bashing the place they are leaving.
I can’t wait to get out of here…the taxes…the winters…the…
They forget that everyone they are talking to still considers it “home.” How would you appreciate someone coming to your home and pointing out everything wrong with it? Not so much.
Sure you may think you are being “real” or “authentic” or “open” with your friends, but they hear it as rude. So keep the things you “hate” to yourself. Instead talk about what you are going to miss. I know you can find a few things like your favorite restaurant…your church…the summers…
3. They Remember the Best and Forget the Rest
Moving is the worst time “to get some things off your chest.” Keep the things you’re frustrated about to yourself. It’s also not a time to “clear the air.”
Why would you want the last impression you give people to be negative? Especially if you aren’t planning to stick around and work on the things you felt needed to be addressed. You emptied your relational bank account unnecessarily and all the good you’ve done will be overshadowed by your emotional dump.
The only thing people need to hear before you leave is “thank you.” Thank you for what you did to invest in my life. Thank you for loving me. I’ll never forget… I’ll always remember…Remember the best and forget the rest.
4. They Understand the World Is Small
In situations where you are moving because the work environment or some other environment is negative, remember the world is smaller than you think. You never know who other people know. The boss you can’t stand might know a few key people in your new division or company.
It’s easy to think you’ll never see them again or good riddance, but that bridge you just burned might be something you’ll need in the future.
Bottom line: Leave Well.
Being a pastor I’ve seen my fair share of friends move away. I’ve seen most move with grace, but I’ve also seen some who struggled and couldn’t figure out why people pulled away so quickly. How you leave will in a large part determine how you will be remembered.
If you want to keep more friends simply ask: What would a person who leaves well do?
You will set yourself up to keep the legacy you worked so hard for and the friends you’ve invested so much in.
