Who is your best friend? When did you make that friend? Most people that I speak with have some amazing friends that were made during their college years.
College is a special time and place. You were gathered with other young adults from all over the world with the purpose to learn so that you can change the world…well maybe that was your purpose for being there. You went on weekend road trips, you debated late into the night, you tried new things, you were surrounded by great people and you grew like never before with some of the people you now refer to as your best friend(s).
Miles may separate you now, but no one could ever replace them and the special place (and time) they hold in your heart. I often hear people say, “Why can’t I find friends like I had in college?” or “No matter how hard I try I can’t find friendships like I had in college.” There is a reason for that. You are missing one key ingredient that gets overlooked when you formed those college friendships…time…lots of time. If you think back–you spent hours upon hours with them. You were with them more than you were away. It wasn’t just the experiences that made the friendship unique it was the sheer quantity of time you were able to invest in the relationship. Spending that much time with someone over 4 years would take a lifetime to replicate now that you are removed from that unique environment. As an adult with a career, a spouse, children, community involvement, etc. there will never be the same amount of time available as you had in college to invest in a friendship. But that’s okay! You don’t need that quantity of time to develop great friendships as an adult.
To develop great friends as an adult you have to…let go of that mythical image of a college best friend. Don’t judge your new friends or friends you are trying to build based on your college friends. That was a special time and unique situation. Besides we tend to gloss over the low spots as time goes by. We forget the rough patches we had with our college friends. Remember no relationship is or was perfect.
What best friend might you never have now because you are judging them against an unfair standard of your college friends? You are judging someone you may have only known for a few months against someone you’ve known for four years and invested thousands of hours with. Remember 4 years in college doesn’t equal 4 years in the adult world. 4 years in college is like 40 years in the adult world…give or take a decade or two…when it comes to time available to invest in friendships.
Give yourself permission to make new friends. It’s not about replacing your college friends it’s about making more friends. Be fair to your new best friend by not comparing them to a special season of your life. You don’t have to give up an old friend and you can make a new one…just recognize it’s going to take a little longer than it did in college.
