Do you have any plans to stay with friends this summer? Did you know that if you did just a few simple things you’ll be guaranteed an invitation back?
If you don’t do these things the chances are high your visit will feel like a sacrifice instead of a slumber party.
I’ve been blessed to have friends graciously host me in their home while I was working on a degree, attending a conference, or just on vacation. We have other dear friends we love to visit as often as we can and they graciously host my crew like their own family. Being a pastor I’ve also hosted families as well.
I’m embarrassed to say I haven’t always been an amazing house guest. I can think of times when I’ve violated some of the rules below. The only way I knew I violated these rules was by hosting people myself. The very things that annoyed me about others were the things I knew I had unintentionally done to our friends.
Of course, that’s the challenge. Your friends will probably never tell you that you’re being annoying or even selfish, but wouldn’t you want to know so you could be a better friend? That’s why I came up with this list. I want your friends to look forward to your visit not dread it.
If you follow these rules you will keep more friends and be invited back again. If you don’t receive a return invitation see if you violated one of these rules.
1. Limit your stay.
I’ve found that 3 days is about the maximum for my family to stay with another family and it seems like the perfect length when we’ve hosted. You can tell when you’ve stayed too long. The smiles have just a hint of being forced. Don’t let it get to the point that the joy of your visit wears off and they start counting the days until you leave. If your friends think your visit was short that’s a good sign you were a great house guest. It’s better for it to feel short than too long.
2. If you use the washer and dryer buy the supplies.
Going on an extended road trip means you’ll need to wash some clothes. Most hosts are more than willing to let you use their washer and dryer. They probably don’t care if you use their detergent or fabric softener either. But show them you aren’t a taker by being a giver. Bring your own supplies and buy plenty to leave. Why? Every time your friends use what was left they will think of you and hopefully smile. If they reach for the detergent and it’s empty they won’t be smiling. Make sure and buy the brand they use and like. Don’t be cheap! Remember you are saving money and time by washing at their house instead of a laundry mat.
3. Take them out for dinner.
They’ve been feeding you breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Take them out for a meal. Give your host a night off from cooking a meal and a giant pile of dishes. Offer to order pizza on a different night. If you see they are out of milk, bread, or toilet paper get some while you are out. AND when you leave, give them a gift card to their favorite restaurant. Remember you are saving money on a hotel.
4. Clean up after yourself.
Do the dishes…all of them. They just worked hard not only to make their family dinner, but yours too. Don’t just sit there while they clear off the table. Help clean up. When you get ready to leave take the sheets off the bed and bring them to the laundry room. Start a load of towels. You aren’t staying at a hotel. Maid service isn’t showing up when you leave. Your friend has extra work to do once you get on the road. How can you cut that work down?
5. Get a gift.
Chances are pretty high when you stay with friends you are staying in someone else’s room. Maybe it was a child or a teenager and they made a sacrifice for you too. Maybe they didn’t really have a choice or a say in the matter. You could make a friend for life if you got a present for them to thank them for their kindness in sharing their room. It could have been you on the air mattress or sharing a bed with their sibling who still wets the bed. Of course, get a gift for the host too.
As you read through my rules you probably picked up on a theme…I’ve got some shopping to do! Yes, it’s going to cost you something to stay for “free” with your friends. It’s not free for them to host you. It costs your host energy, water, food, and time.
Think about it this way…most families budget grocery monies just for their family and maybe a meal for a guest. But few people budget food and supplies for another family for an entire week. It costs your friends real dollars to host you. Don’t take their generosity for granted.
I’ve heard horror stories of people staying with friends and treating it like a vacation…that someone else pays for. Your friend will never say that, but it can certainly feel that way.
Maybe you’re saying, “I can’t afford to do all of that. It’s why I’m staying with friends in the first place.” If you can’t afford to do those things you probably should stay home. Remember it’s not supposed to be a vacation someone else pays for. You are saving money by staying with them. Besides if you truly value their friendship wouldn’t you want to do those things anyway?
As a side note this shouldn’t just apply to friends either. Just because someone is family doesn’t let you off the hook. Family doesn’t mean they can foot more of the bill. It’s one of the things I’ve always appreciated when my family visits.
Whenever someone hosts someone else they make a sacrifice in one form or another, but it doesn’t have to feel like a sacrifice if you’ll follow these simple rules.
Use this visit as a time to grow closer over the miles.
