Being a pastor I never get asked, “Should I make my child go to church?”
Instead, I’m usually told by parents why they aren’t making their child go to church anymore. The subject comes up when I ask them casually about how their child is doing, and then they misinterpret the question to mean: “Why isn’t your child in church?” The answers usually boil down to two:
1. I don’t want to push them away from God.
2. I want them to make up their own mind about God.
There is validity to both of these reasons. I mean who wants to push their child away from God with the vast majority of the people in the world believing in God. The second reason is very sound as well. Every person has to eventually make up their own mind about God. Every person has to decide on their own if there is a God and if that God’s name is Jesus. That, in fact, will be the most important question you’ll ever answer and the most important decision you’ll ever make.
Let’s go a little deeper and unpack that reasoning.
Would you apply that same logic to school?
Have you ever woke your child up for school and they said, “I don’t want to go today. Please don’t make me! I’m tired. Let me sleep a little longer.” How did you respond? I doubt you said, “It’s okay. Go back to sleep. I don’t want to push you away from education. One day I want you to go to college, so just go to school whenever you feel like it.” No, you probably said something like, “Get your butt out of bed! If you miss the bus you are walking to school!” You did that because you understand that they still get the benefits out of something even if their emotions aren’t in it. You know you still get the benefits out of exercising even if you don’t feel like it or your heart’s not in it. Your child will still get the benefits of school even if they don’t feel like it. In fact, by not making them go to school, it will actually take away their ability to have a choice about college in the future. By not wanting to push them away, your misguided nurturing actually prevents them from future academics. It has the opposite intended effect.
Do you apply that same reasoning to vegetables?
I’ve yet to meet a child, who, when given a choice will pick vegetables over junk food. So what’s a parent to do? Just let their child make up their own mind about their nutritional choices? Or should a parent act like the parent and require that a child eats their vegetables? As the parent you have wisdom and experience the child doesn’t have yet. You know the dangers of processed foods. You know the consequences of a diet high in sugar. Letting your child eat whatever they want whenever they feel like it could be a case of parental neglect.
What we unintentionally teach our children about church when we let them decide is that God is optional and school and vegetables aren’t.
Do you really believe that God is optional? Or do you believe the best way to set your kid up for the future is with a deep faith that will guide them through life and prepare them at the end of their days to meet their maker? When your child is in their final hours of life they aren’t going to be wishing for more time in a batting cage or another soccer game. They are going to think about what comes next and are they ready for it.
One last comparison.
The government requires that a person must be at least 18 to vote on who they want to screw up our country. By setting a minimum age our government believes that anyone younger doesn’t have the knowledge, wisdom, or life-experience to pick what’s best. The crazy thing to me is that parents will let kids who are 8, 10, or 16 vote on whether God should be a part of their life. If a child doesn’t have the breadth to appreciate the importance of a government leader, education, or broccoli, maybe they don’t have the depth to appreciate the value of knowing God yet either.
If your children are actually begging you to take them to church and you won’t…all I can say is…Wow!
You should really examine what is more important than God (cause that’s what your actions are communicating). Or you should explore why you’ll let them try a musical instrument, but not God.
A growing faith is caught more than it is taught. If you don’t like your church guess what…your kids won’t either. If you bad mouth your church in front of your kids do you think they are going to feel any differently? Maybe the reason your kids don’t want to go to church has nothing to do with church at all, but everything to do with your view of church. They will mirror your attitudes. Your kids are very impressionable. They are watching you for all of their cues. Even if you do make your kids attend your church (that church you bad mouth), don’t be surprised that when they are old enough to choose they will choose to leave. The worst tragedy will be that your kids will confuse your view of church with all churches.
Life is too short to go to a church that you hate. Life is also too short to jump around from church to church. Because in the end…church isn’t something you attend, or a building, or a location. Church is people…imperfect people. It’s people who believe in Jesus and seek to live by his example and teachings. Church is so much more than an hour on Sunday, it’s a way of life. So find a church that you can get behind about 80% of what they do and go all in. Invest your life in something that will be there for you and your family long after they turn 18 or long after a season of softball.
As parents we can make it harder or easier for our kids to become Christians. Let’s make it easy!
Here are some stories of how our church made a huge difference in some kids’ lives. We want your kids to be begging you to take them to church. If you haven’t checked out Nstar Church you probably should leave the kids at home while you come for a visit, because once your kids check it out they won’t let you go anywhere else. Our leaders and volunteers create an environment where kids beg to come back each week. Think VBS on steroids…every Sunday!
Question: Does church matter for your kids? Share your answer on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn.
