I bet you have a few epic scars on your body that tell an unforgettable story. I have one on my right elbow from a fishing accident years ago. (Who knew fishing could be so dangerous?)
I was trout fishing in a light rain with my soon-to-be and now father-in-law. The wet conditions, one miscalculated step, and one rotten tree branch created the perfect scenario where I found myself falling backwards off a small cliff.
Thankfully my elbow broke my fall and in the process it broke into a few pieces. Willy (my father-in-law) carried my clumsy self and my dangling bones out of the ravine and to the hospital.
When I came to for a moment in the hospital they said my first words were, “Willy pushed me!” Of course, I conked right back out from the pain medicine. My prankster father-in-law found himself in an awkward limbo with his daughter and wife who weren’t quite sure what to believe. We still laugh about it today.
If it wasn’t for Willy I wouldn’t have an epic scar. Who knows if I would even still be here? When it happened I told him to leave me there and let me die. I was in too much pain to go on living. I’m sure he thought I had become quite the drama queen, but I guess he figured his daughter would have killed him if he didn’t bring me back. Thankfully for me his desire for self-preservation kicked in.
Now he wonders why I don’t like to fish with him. Would you? ☺
Seriously, it hurt like crazy. My elbow still hurts every once in awhile, but I have an epic scar that makes me seem more macho then I really am.
Scars aren’t limited to just our bodies. When we get wounded emotionally or spiritually we lose a lot more than blood and our range of motion.
You lose friends. You lose sleep. You lose trust. You lose faith. You cry until you feel numb. You wonder when the bleeding of your heart will stop.
Has the bleeding stopped?
What if you don’t really have the scar that comes after healing, but instead you still have an open wound that is getting infected?
Sometimes we move on from painful experiences too soon. We move on before we have healed. In a desire to escape the pain, in a desire to move on from the hurt, we leave the hospital too soon. In our desire to forget, we take out the stitches before it’s time and we aren’t left with a scar, we are left with an open wound.
Wounds that aren’t given time and treatment to properly heal get infected. Once infection sets in things get much worse.
Wounds of the soul that don’t properly heal get infected with bitterness (Heb. 12:15).
I fear there are a lot of people walking around thinking they have scars when they really have open wounds.
Could that be you?
People with open wounds seem to attract every type of bacteria and they get sicker and sicker. The healing process takes that much longer and is more difficult because they didn’t take the time to get a healing scar.
Every subsequent hurt or injury is a bigger deal than what it should be because they aren’t fighting just one wound, they are fighting two or more.
Everyone you know has been hurt or wounded. If you can think of some exceptions those are the people you should hang out with and ask some serious questions. Not because they have the perfect life you think they do, but because they have learned a thing or two about how to heal and move on.
One thing I’ve noticed about people with the seemingly “perfect life” is they have learned the rare ability of suffering with dignity. They don’t whine, belly-ache, and complain all over Facebook. They don’t find a way to always turn the conversation back to what’s wrong in their life. Instead these rare individuals believe the best and see the positive side.
I’m not saying they suffer alone. I’m saying they know how to suffer with dignity and they seek the help they need. (Remember a Facebook post is not seeking help.)
I would add that talking about your scars (when asked) doesn’t mean you can’t let go of the past. The scar is part of your story…it’s part of the journey that made you who you are. It can even help others avoid getting a similar scar.
So reflect on some of the hurt you’ve experienced. The stuff that wounded you on a deep level. Have you really allowed the wound to heal?
Do you have a scar or do you still have a wound? Ask your spouse. Ask your best friend. Ask your co-workers. You are probably too close to know for sure. We like to brush things off as merely flesh wounds, but soul wounds infect everyone.
Maybe you wish you had the time to heal properly but life has forced you to move on. It’s true that life keeps coming, but you must make time to let your soul heal. If you don’t, the future you hoped for and the future of those you care about doesn’t look as bright.
In your personal life…don’t rush into a relationship if the wounds from an old one are still fresh. Don’t make any big life decisions when you’re still in the fog of the pain you’re in.
Don’t trust a leader who doesn’t have scars. The best leaders I know have lots, which have made them wiser, humble, and proven.
Don’t hire someone who is still wounded. Don’t invite someone into leadership who hasn’t healed. You are asking for trouble. Remember soul wounds infect everyone.
You shouldn’t be leading if you’re still bleeding.
Maybe you are thinking, “Yeah but sometimes you have to play hurt. Every professional knows that.” True. Every professional steps on to the field with all of their aches and pains.
But…there is a difference between playing hurt and playing wounded. Some injuries are serious enough you need to be benched for awhile so that you can eventually play again. It’s not a sign of weakness to take time to heal, it’s a sign of wisdom.
I wonder if there wouldn’t be as many colossal meltdowns, if people just admitted they needed to sit out for awhile until their soul mended.
If you find yourself feeling wounded what should you do?
First, I would say you’ve made great progress by admitting you are still hurting.
Second, which is the hardest and something you’ll have to do hundreds of times… Forgive.
Third, give yourself permission to create some space and time to get healthy.
Lastly, talk to someone about the wound who isn’t involved or close to the situation. Talk to your pastor. Talk to a counselor. Talk to a friend who is removed. They will give you good advice and perspective.
You will probably need some distance too. A little space and the right environment can provide a lot of healing.
We have lots of worthwhile battles still to fight in the future. We need you healthy. We need the lessons you’ve learned.
We know you are itching to get back in the game, but not until you have healed. Doctors orders.
Scars are proof the healing process is complete.
