How to Get the Help You Need

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in the midst of something we didn’t expect or ask for. Life throws us a punch that we think might just take us to the mat for good.

Maybe it’s a death of a loved one, maybe it’s cancer, maybe it’s a failing marriage, maybe it’s a financial blow, a child with disabilities, or the realization that certain dreams will NEVER come true.

When (I say when because it isn’t a matter of “if”) you find yourself facing one of those situations…and you will, what you do next is vitally important, but not everyone has the clarity in those emotionally-charged situations to do it. It really is a simple thing to do, but our judgment gets cloudy and we come up with a bunch of reasons why we shouldn’t do this simple thing.

What is it?

ASK FOR HELP.

If you need help, ask for it– and you WILL need it during one of those unexpected seasons. When we are in the midst of pain we can tell ourselves all kinds of crazy things like…  “My friends should just know”… “If they are my real friends they would just know what I need”… “I’ve dropped all kinds of hints that they should have picked up on”…or the craziest of all… “I put it on Facebook.”

The problem is that in the real world people aren’t mind readers. They need you to spell out what you would like them to do for you. Jesus even asked this question of someone who came to him asking for help (Luke 18:40-41).

It’s important to tell people what you need because what they may need in a similar situation might not be what you need. A meal train isn’t the solution to every problem. Sometimes a person just needs a cup of coffee or childcare or a tank of gas.

Don’t throw away great friendships because you are expecting them to possess a gift no one has – telepathy. You will go through life an angry and wounded person. I bet if you just simply asked…people would show up in droves.

But don’t ask generally, ask specifically!

If you post a cry for help on Facebook to your “friends” what does that say about the way you view your friends that you won’t ask them personally? The fact that you “can’t” or “won’t” ask specific friends is YOUR issue not theirs.

Just to be clear…

A Facebook post doesn’t constitute an ask for help. You do know that Facebook severely limits what you see in your feed? Not everyone is obsessed with checking it every spare moment either. And not everyone is even on Facebook. You can use it as “a” way, just not “the” way.

If you don’t feel like you have the type of relationships where you can ask for help, then you can’t get upset if those same people don’t show up to your general Facebook post.

I guarantee you people want to help you, but you have to ask. How many times has someone said to you… “I wish you would have asked, I had no idea.” I’ve heard this a few times myself because I was too prideful to ask for help.

People live very busy lives. Your friends are working harder and longer than ever before. Many global companies expect you to never leave work which is why they give you a phone. Said phone is also what people use to access Facebook as a distraction from the pressure of life.

Very few people open Facebook with the mindset of “How can I be a better friend.” Most people open Facebook for the same reason they go to movies—an escape from life.

Because this is earth and not heaven you will experience suffering and pain (John 16:33), but you don’t have to go through it alone.

When you find yourself in a situation that you think is going to be the one that brings you down:

1. Ask for help from specific people.
2. Tell those specific people what you want them to specifically do.

Your friends want to help, but they aren’t mind readers. Your friends won’t help you if they don’t know you need it and how you need it.

If you can do this it will save you from starting over every couple of years with your “friendships” because people weren’t “there” for you. Pride will keep you from the help you need. Don’t let it destroy good friendships.