Did anyone tell you about something great that happened to them this week?
How did you respond?
One thing I’ve noticed is most people respond by changing the conversation to be about them. Some how they manage to take someone else’s good news and use it as a springboard to talk more about “me.”
Have you ever noticed that?
A friend is so excited to share they are finally going to Disney and the friend they tell responds by talking about their Disney trip. I’ve even seen it where the friend pivots to some vacation they hope to go on or how they wished they could go on a vacation.
A friend gets a new car and enthusiastically shows it to their friend who proceeds to talk about the car they want.
A friend shares about their new promotion which is met with rants about how terrible a boss they have and how they wished they could find someone to work for who valued their input.
I could go on with more scenarios…a friend gets engaged…becomes pregnant…gets a new home…gets a pool…a dog…
The person listening to the good news always finds a way to turn the conversation back to their life. They are masters at pivoting from being the listener to being the speaker.
I’m guessing it’s because they want to appear like they can relate, but it doesn’t come across that way. Instead it comes across at best as a poor listener or worse as selfish or even a narcissist.
Being able to relate is not the same thing as fixating on yourself.
This isn’t your moment to shine, it’s your moment to listen.
Let your friend enjoy their moment. Help them soak every ounce of happiness out of it. These moments aren’t that common.
If you trend toward the negative don’t ruin your friend’s enthusiasm by being a Debbie Downer…Boy I wish I felt healthy enough to… I wish I had the money to… I wish I had that kind of vacation time… Must be nice to…
Remember…it’s not about you. The more you make it about you, the less friends you’ll have to share in your joys.
So how should we respond? (Even when you wish it was happening to you.)
Start with… “I’m so happy for you!”
The first words you say should communicate your joy and excitement. It’s a big day for them and if you care it should be a big day for you too!
Listen.
Seriously let them tell you every reason they are happy. Listen to every detail they want to relive. It’s an honor they chose to share this moment with you. Out of all of the people they know they picked you to share their joy!
Ask more questions.
What are you most looking forward to doing at Disney?
Which ride is at the top of your list?
What restaurants do you hope to hit?
What’s your favorite room in your new house?
Tell me all about the proposal…How did he do it?
When are you due…do you have names picked out?
Do you have pictures? I want to see them!
Compliment.
Praise them! Express your joy! Let them know how happy and proud you are! Allow them to soak in every ray of sunshine from this moment.
Being a pastor, I’ve noticed this is harder for people to do than you might think. Envy creeps in and makes it hard for us to be genuinely happy for others. We instantly start thinking about ourselves and wonder why God hasn’t given us the same blessing.
From my experience it’s easier for us to “weep with those who weep” than it is for us to “rejoice with those who rejoice.”
Yet we are asked to do both (Rom. 12:15).
Rate yourself. The next time someone tells you their good news how do you respond? What are you feeling? Envy? Joy? Bitterness?
What about when someone “shares” good news on Facebook or Instagram? How do you respond? Ignore it? Fume? Like it? Comment?
Resist the desire to pivot from their joy to talking about yourself. If you can master this simple skill you’ll keep and deepen more friendships. You’ll also find that you’ll attract more good news in your life. You’ll become known as the person who “rejoices with those who rejoice.” Best of all your kids will pick up this valuable social skill from watching how you celebrate the wins of others.
One last thing to think about…If you received good news today who would you want to share it with? I bet you picked that person because they are a master at these things. Be more like them and become a better friend.
