Who are your best friends? Who are the people you’re not related to that you love to spend time with?
When was the last time you saw them? I’m serious. See if you can identify how many weeks or months have passed since you’ve last hung out in person.
If you’re like me, it’s easy to misjudge how much time has elapsed since you last saw them. Often it doesn’t feel as long as it really has been. How could 6 months (or years) go by without us getting together?
For the first 10 years of our church’s existence I kept my head down and really focused on the church. And for good reason—that season was all about survival. But when I paused and looked around I realized I didn’t have some of the deep friendships I had before I started the church. I had lots of new friends, but I had lost touch with some of my pastor friends. Not because of some big falling out, we just drifted apart over time. We would occasionally text or like each other’s posts on social media, but I didn’t really know what was going on in their lives and they didn’t know what was going on in mine. I had no one to blame but myself.
When you start drifting in a friendship you eventually cross a point where you wouldn’t feel comfortable just picking up a phone and sharing about a disappointment or a win. When you drift apart, what would normally be a celebration sounds more like bragging, and what would normally be sharing a burden comes across like you’re complaining. Don’t let your friendships cross that line.
How do you keep your friendships from drifting apart? The best way is with facetime.
No, I’m not talking about video chatting. I’m talking about you being physically present with your friend. I’m talking about you meeting up with them and talking face to face.
The older you get you understand how difficult such a simple idea is. It requires a conscious choice. Life is busy! Schedules are crazy! Work is demanding and your children are going in lots of different directions. Making time for friends can seem more like a luxury for retired people.
The problem is that friendships aren’t a luxury, they are a necessity. One day you’ll get where you’re going and not have anyone to celebrate with you. One day you’ll need a shoulder to cry on, but you won’t know who to turn to. As I’ve written before, you don’t just find friends you make friends. And making friends requires facetime.
I made a conscious decision 5 years ago to spend more facetime with friends. The decision coincided with me taking my first study break. I specifically wanted to rekindle and make good pastor friends. Every leadership role has unique challenges and I knew that was true of mine. I needed friends who understood my world and would be safe to share my life with.
That decision has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. They’ve given me incredible advice during some of the darkest storms. They’ve celebrated wins and helped me love Jesus more.
Some of these friends take a good degree of effort to spend facetime with because they live in other states, but I’ve never regretted it.
Recently, it seems in all walks of life suicide is on the rise. I don’t know what any of those individuals from the news faced or struggled with. All I know is…life is a lot harder without deep, safe friendships. I don’t know how I would have made it through my toughest year, 2016, without some of those deep, safe friends.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you have any good quality friends? What would it take for you to be able to say “Yes!”? Who do you know that with a little more facetime has the potential to become that kind of friend?
Do you have any friendships that are in jeopardy of drifting apart?
Then stop reading and send them a text right now and get a date on your calendar for facetime.
Making and keeping friends takes time and resources, but it’s always worth it. The alternative is way more expensive in the long run. Who knows they may even save your life! They will certainly bring more joy to it.
What are you waiting for? Send them a text with a date right now!
