Every child loves their birthday! They look forward to presents and a party celebrating…them.
The older we get the less birthdays seem to shine. We know the day should feel special but it can just seem like another day. It even sounds a bit narcissistic to want your friends to celebrate you.
But still there is a part of us that hopes at the very least we will get a call, a card, or on a really good year someone will take us out for lunch.
I guarantee you that if you feel it’s hard to get excited about your birthday your friends feel the same way or maybe worse about theirs.
Worse as in…their birthday reminds them of another year passing without certain dreams being realized. One less year they will have with their kids at home. A new year with new body aches as they age. Some of their friends who have celebrated this day in the past are no longer by their side. It could be because they have passed on, moved on, or simply didn’t press on with them.
That kind of worse.
If you knew your friend was feeling that way you would speak up. You would point out all of the great things that happened this year in their life. You would tell them why you are so glad to have them as your friend.
So do it. Every birthday.
When was the last time you told your friend, family member, or spouse what you loved about them?
Maybe you think that would be weird…but not on their birthday! You are letting them know you’re glad they were in your life this year. This year of their life mattered to you.
We started a birthday tradition where we do just that. We go around the table and say one thing we love about the birthday boy or birthday girl. Whoever is with us gets to join in on the encouragement.
I love hearing my kids affirming what their siblings or someone else says about the birthday person… “That’s a good one!” “I totally agree!” “That’s what I was going to say!”
It’s a priceless gift for others to hear what you feel about them.
If I’m at a birthday party for a close friend or family member I’ll always suggest this before the meal is over.
A few years ago we were celebrating my father-in-law’s birthday and we were going around the table saying what we loved about him and I’ll never forget what one of his friends said… “You make life worth living.” Wow!
I do this with my staff team too. Every time it’s someone’s birthday we go out to eat and go around the table and say what we love about them.
When my birthday rolls around my team makes a point to do the same for me, but I have to admit it feels weird and even uncomfortable to be in the hot seat receiving the affirmation.
It’s much easier to give than it is to receive. (And that goes for more than just affirmation.)
Here is the weird thing…I still remember what everyone said. Their specific words of affirmation meant that much.
You literally can watch someone’s face and posture change as people go around the table offering specific praise. They leave walking on air!
People will resist, but don’t give up this chance to affirm them without a fight.
We can go an entire lifetime and not tell those closest to us the things they so desperately long to hear. We aren’t purposely withholding those words out of malice. We just make the mistake of thinking they already know. Even if they already know they would still need to hear it. They need to be reminded regularly just like you need a regular shower.
When the birthday has come and gone people will remember this moment more than any other. The crazy thing is this gift doesn’t cost you a dime. It just takes one small moment of courage to suggest a new tradition at your next birthday gathering.
If you are a guy reading this I want to challenge you to step up at the next birthday. The initiative you show will make your lady melt and win your kids’ hearts. Your blessing will do more for your family than anything you can buy. It will last longer too!
Try it. Go around the table and say one thing you love about the birthday person. You might just find that when it’s your turn you actually look forward to your birthday again.
