Do you love helping people out?
You have a friend going through a busy season so you bring them over dinner. You watch your friends’ kids so they can have a date night. You mow your friend’s lawn who has been traveling a lot with work. You do some pro bono work and you help a friend get a job. You serve every week at your church. You’ve even given money to friends to help them get through a rough patch.
When you start anything important in life, whether it’s getting a degree, getting married, having a child, starting a business, or even becoming a follower of Jesus, it always seems to start with great fanfare.
But the middle about kills you.
This week I was able to spend a little time with my 82-year-old grandfather who lives in West Virginia. I can’t tell you what a joy it is that my children get to know their great-grandfather…a man who has shaped me in many ways including giving me a love for the outdoors. Fishing, hunting, honey bees, mushrooms…he instilled in me an appreciation about where our food comes from and how we get it.
During this last visit I hopped in his truck to go help him rob one of his bee hives. This career military veteran lacks the strength and stability of his younger years. It’s one of the most cruel ways time robs masculinity. Men relish being able to be the only one to open a jar of pickles.
How many friends do you have? I’m not talking about your Facebook friends…FB really should call those acquaintances and not friends, because there is no way you can have 884 really close friends.
The type of friends I’m talking about are the ones that if you lost your job they would help you pay your mortgage or let you move in with them. The type of friends that if you died in a freak accident would raise your kids like you would. When you start classifying people like that…it’s easy for your friend list to shrink maybe even to zero.
Which creates a big question in my mind…How do you get friends like that? How do you find friends like that? Well, I tell you right up front that you won’t find friends like this at church. Yep! It’s true. You won’t find friends like that at work, on a sports team, in the gym, or with your children’s friend’s parents. In fact, you can’t find them anywhere because…
Are you growing resentful for helping someone? Maybe you’re growing resentful about a boss who is always handing you emergency work as a result of their poor planning, or a child who seems to always forget they have an assignment due and you have to spend all night helping them prepare, or a friend who always calls when they need something but somehow they are never around when you are in need.
Could the frustration you are experiencing at work, at home, with your parents, with your kids, or with your friends be because you are taking responsibility where you shouldn’t be? When you step in to assume responsibility and rescue an irresponsible person, YOU pay the price for THEIR choices. It’s easy to think you are helping them, but in reality you are hurting them. To be more precise, you are enabling them to continue in this destructive pattern.
Who stands on the frontlines of humanity shaping culture? Who is the first line of defense against evil? Who fights on a daily basis to keep the forces of hell at bay that want to destroy our families? It’s mom.
Lots of people talk about the importance of the government shaping our world or the role teachers have in shaping the next generation of society. Some even extol the virtues of the arts and media in shaping culture. It’s true that teachers, the government, and media all play a role in culture, but behind every senator, activist, professor, artist, or movie producer was a mother….a mother who nurtured her child on a loving pathway or a mother who neglected her duties to train a child and guide his path.
When I was a kid I was taught a simple acronym for finding and living with “joy.” The idea was that if you get certain relationships in the right hierarchical order you would experience joy. The acronym was J.esus O.thers Y.ou. Jesus first, Others second, and You last.
The longer I’ve been a pastor the more harm I’ve seen come from people who use that as a formula for joy. I’ve seen people harm themselves and their most significant relationships all the while wondering when the “joy” would kick in.
We have been looking at how your routine is perfectly designed to get the results you are currently getting. If you don’t like your results you need to change your routines. You already have a routine in these areas and a few small changes could create dramatic results.
Today, I want you to think about the most meaningful part of your day – your evening. I say it’s the most meaningful part because chances are you are spending that time with the most important people in your life, your family. They are the very reason you are working so hard and the evening is when you have the largest block of time to spend with them on a daily basis. You already have an evening routine, just consider if it promotes harmony or more stress in your home?
We’ve been looking at the hidden power of routines and how they are the key to unlocking a life you feel is outside your reach. If you don’t like the results you are getting you are going to have to do something different. Your routines are the key.
Today, I want you to think about your lunch routine. You do take a lunch, right? Why not? Many people don’t get paid for lunch so why work through it? You know you aren’t going to leave earlier if you work through lunch–so take the hour break. Use that time to refuel your body and emotions.
Tis’ the season of love and Hallmark. Chances are pretty good that you’ll give a card, maybe candy, and if you really love them- flowers.
I know, I know….those gifts aren’t really the best expression or the only expression of love. But let’s assume you are going to give a card at least.
