None of my pastor friends would dare write a post like this because it would sound too self-serving. I get it. I’m posting this against my wife’s better judgment (but with her permission). What I’m about to share with you, if you ask your pastor, I guarantee they would say it is true for them. How do I know? Because the greatest pastors I know have said so in moments of quiet vulnerability. They weren’t complaining, just wishing and hoping they would be loved as much as they love their church.
I feel SO loved at my church…that’s why I feel confident to post something like this. But I know lots of pastors who don’t feel that way. So if you really do love your pastor here are 7 things you can do to show it:
1. Text Your Pastor and Ask How You Can Pray for Him.
If you are privileged enough to have your pastor’s cell phone number why not let your pastor know you want to pray for him? Pastors do A LOT of praying for others, but who prays for your pastor? Lead your children in praying for your pastor at night. What better way to teach your children that he is appointed by God to be your spiritual leader? Even if you don’t have his cell number why not send an email and ask for a few prayer requests? I guarantee you will get a response.
2. Don’t forget his family, especially his wife.
Ask your pastor what price his family has paid for being in the ministry. If he will be honest with you it will shock you. Pastors have more relational scars than any group of people I know and yet somehow still find room in their hearts to extend love to more hurting people.
The spouse usually pays an even higher price that goes unnoticed. Have you ever lost friends because your spouse made a tough call at work? I doubt it. Have you ever had people change the way they relate to you when they find out what your spouse’s occupation is? Doubt it. Have you ever had to explain to your child the reason they won’t see their best friend again is because of a decision your spouse made at work? Doubt it.
They pay a price for nights he is away from home helping a family through a crisis. They pay a price during holidays (holy-days) which typically involve more work and not a vacation. Every decision they make is being judged from social media posts, their house, their car, their vacations, their clothes, their kids’ behavior, you name it…it all gets scrutinized. They endure hardship like a good soldier (2 Tim. 2:3), but should the hardship come from the church?!? I don’t think so. Things didn’t fare well for those in Scripture who gave their spiritual leaders a hard time. Many a loved pastor has left a church because their spouse didn’t feel equally loved. Read that last sentence again.
So how have you tried to honor your pastor’s spouse recently?
3. Always pay.
It is a strange thing when people invite you out and then expect you to pay. You’ve probably had it happen to you before and you hated it. Pastors do too.
If you were going to see a counselor you would have to take time off of work and pay far more than a cup of coffee or a lunch to get advice. If their time isn’t worth that much to you then don’t ask.
4. Share.
If God has blessed you with a vacation house, a lake house, boats, you name it…share it with your pastor(s). Those gifts are from your Heavenly Father anyway so why not share them (James 1:17). I can’t tell you the number of times my family has been blessed because someone has done this for us. Vacations we took and memories we made that otherwise we would never have been able to afford or do all because others shared God’s gifts with us. I personally love being able to talk about and show the “good side” of church with my kids when sometimes they get to see the bad side of hurting and immature people. I understand the difference between immature people and the church, but kids often don’t.
5. Give to Your Church.
Nothing is more discouraging to a pastor than people who have every reason and opportunity to be generous but aren’t. Imagine this scenario…your pastor sacrifices time from his family to help your family crisis, he is patient with your questions about faith, he actually responds to your questions, he does funerals/weddings for your family, prays with you, visits you in the hospital and then he finds out you aren’t tithing or in some cases giving at all to support your church.
It’s enough to make a pastor feel used…kind of gives the impression that person just wants to be a taker. Shouldn’t your pastor do those things regardless? Of course, and so should you! If you’re a taker…I’m sure you’ve come up with all kinds of excuses about why you can’t give, but why not think of reasons why you should? Are you thankful for your church? Is your life better because of your church? Do you have friends you would have never met because of your church? Then give generously to your church and stop being a user. Those things you love can change quicker than you can imagine.
6. Trust Your Pastor.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Trust that he knows things you don’t. Trust that he has backstory you don’t. Trust that he isn’t trying to destroy the church, but that he honestly wants it to flourish. If you don’t believe that, you have a problem. Could the issue be your heart and not his? (Titus 1:15) The thing we tend to criticize most in others is the thing we most struggle with.
I hear from some of my pastor friends how they feel questioned about every expenditure or decision. Instead of trying to question everything why not say “thank you.” “Thank you” for shouldering the financial burden of our church. “Thank you” for being willing to come up with tough solutions for tough problems. “Thank you” for encouraging our church to be generous. (I’ve never met a pastor who loved to talk about money.) “Thank you” for passing on a raise so other staff can get a raise. (Ask your pastor if they have ever taken a pass on a raise. I bet most of them have for one reason or another. Would you? Now you know why he is called “A Man of God.”)
If you don’t feel you can trust your pastor with money why are you trusting him with the care of your soul? Leave that church right now! Jesus said your soul is way more important than money (Mark 8:36). It kind of gives the impression all you care about is money.
Leadership and followership always comes down to trust. If a leader’s heart is evil no amount of accountability or transparency is enough. I have seen pastors in every denomination with every type of church structure out there make immoral decisions. The solution isn’t one type of structure over another, the solution is a pure heart. Your pastor, I guarantee, loves you, prays for you, sacrifices for you and is worthy of your trust. If not…it will come out. It always does.
7. Encourage him.
I read somewhere that it takes 10 positives to make up for 1 negative. So if your pastor received 2 negative emails, he’ll need 20 encouraging ones just to get him back to zero. I’m sure you are happy and love your church…have you told your pastor that lately? A church you love with a pastor you equally love is a gift that is irreplaceable. If on top of that reality you can say that you know your pastor personally you have a once in a lifetime thing. Treasure it, nurture it.
On my birthday my church gave me a bag full of cards where families had written how much the church and my ministry has meant to them. I loved it!!! Guess what…I didn’t throw a single one away. Here is something else…I needed to hear it more than I realized. I wish that wasn’t true, but it was…and I guarantee you it’s true for your pastor. So if you love your pastor don’t keep it a secret. If you enjoyed the message let him know, give him some love on social media, remember pastor appreciation month (October), remember Christmas and his birthday. Let him know he isn’t alone and you are grateful for him.
What’s the value of the person who holds your darkest secrets and still loves you anyway?
(Hmmm…probably never thought about the fact he keeps your secrets did you? Even after you storm off in an immature huff he still keeps it.)
Your pastor will probably not share this post (even though he really, really wants to) for the same reason he didn’t want to write it. So why not show your love for your pastor and share it for him? Help establish a culture of honor and love (1 Thess. 5:12-13). Have his back, he has yours. Make a less self-oriented resolution to love your pastor better this year. Your spiritual health and your family is counting on it! (Hebrews 13:17)
Question: What pastor do you have mad love for? Share your answer on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn.
