On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy are you? What would it take for you to say 10?
Most of us, including myself, have a list. We believe if this was true or that was true then I would be happier…finally.
Some of the things on our list are purchases. If I had a newer car, a different house, a pool, a boat, new living room furniture, an updated kitchen…then I would be at a 10.
Some of the things on our list are accomplishments. If I could just finish my degree, lose 30 lbs, make manager or Vice President, start my own business, retire, hike all the 46 High Peaks, get the blue check mark on Instagram…then I would be happy.
Some of the things on our list are experiences. If I could just go to Italy or Disney, find true love, experience the joy of children, be greeted by a furry friend when I come home from work…then I would be happier.
Those things do make us happy, but the happiness doesn’t last. We’ve bought, accomplished, or experienced things which made us happy for awhile, but it wears off. We are on a happiness treadmill…constantly looking for and chasing the next thing with the hope it might last longer.
I read recently that the high from buying something lasts only 3 days. I also read where lottery winners aren’t really any happier a year later than they were before winning.
That tells me…If you’re not happy today, you won’t be happy tomorrow. Maybe we could say it like this…If you’re not happy here, you won’t be happy there.
If you’re not happy single, you won’t be happy married.
If you’re not happy in your current home, you won’t be happy in a new one.
If you’re not happy at your current job, you won’t be a happy at a different one.
If you’re not happy today/here, you won’t be happy tomorrow/there.
We put a lot of pressure on things, experiences, and people to provide something for us that can only come from inside us.
Happiness is an inside job.
A house is just a place to keep you safe from the elements. Venice is just a city where people live and work. A car takes you from one place to the next. Somehow, we began to look at these as more than a utilitarian item. We’ve begun to expect these things to provide for our emotional well-being. That’s a lot of pressure to put on anything or anyone except God.
Our constant quest for happiness outside of ourselves guarantees happiness is not within our control. Our belief that lasting happiness is having, experiencing, or being somewhere else has consequences.
One consequence is that we find ourselves constantly waiting to be happy. Think about that for a moment. You could be happier today if you just allowed yourself to be. But you’ve convinced yourself you can’t be happy until…
You will be at a 10 when…
So we keep waiting to be happy and the only person keeping us unhappy is ourselves. The only person withholding happiness from us is ourselves.
I’ve been thinking about this truth a lot because I wrestle with discontentment. Maybe you can relate. If you’re like me you always want to make “it” better. The vice in the virtue is discontentment. The dark side is you don’t give yourself permission to be happy now. You tell yourself you can be happy later when it’s completed and accomplished.
The orientation toward the future keeps you from experience happiness today.
How do you become happier today?
1. Give Yourself Permission
We’ve already talked about this but happiness starts now, not later. You have lots of reasons to be happy right now that don’t require you waiting for a future event to happen.
I think we can confuse delayed gratification with happiness now. We have heard over and over again about how the cause of debt is the unwillingness to delay gratification. We don’t want to wait and save for something (because we think it will make us happier now), so we put it on credit. Then we can’t sleep at night because we worry how we will pay it off (which makes us unhappy).
Just because we should wait to purchase something doesn’t mean we have to wait to be happy. Nothing you can purchase will provide lasting happiness anyway. You can be happy right now. Which leads me to the second key.
2. Make a “Loving Life List”
What do you love about your life? I’m sure there are things about your life you hope never change. What are those things? Write them down and start looking for things to add to your list.
Sometimes we can get fixated on the things we don’t like and forget about all of the amazing things in our life. Write those things down.
I recently was riding the train back from New York City and overheard two ladies who were talking about living in the city. (I think the whole train heard their conversation.) They were heading upstate to meet some friends for vacation and were discussing the merits of living upstate versus living in the city. Neither of them like the current state of the subway system, but there were lots of other things they loved about city life. They loved having a doorman to keep their packages, the ability to send laundry out, walking across the street for groceries, and not having to shovel snow.
Those reasons wouldn’t do it for me, but she was happy where she was and knew why.
What if you did the same thing? What if you started looking for all of the good things about your life currently right where you are? What if you started looking for all of the good things about your job? Your spouse? Where you live? All of the good things about today.
Why does that help?
Because…If I’m not happy today, I won’t be happy tomorrow.
What if you started focusing on everything that is right in your life? What if you gave yourself permission to be happy about those things? Everything in every area of your life doesn’t have to be perfect for you to be happy. If you believe that you will never be happy.
Enjoy the good things about now.
I guarantee lots of people would gladly trade places with you and enjoy the good things you’re taking for granted.
Why don’t you start a list on your phone today about all of the happy things about now? Call the list your, “Loving Life List.” The next time you feel unhappy just pull that list out and read it. The next time you start feeling discontent give yourself permission to be happy now.
Remember if you aren’t happy today, you won’t be happy tomorrow. If you aren’t happy here, you won’t be happy there.
Happiness is an inside job.
